frenemies…almost everyone’s got them.
i got them to…i havent talked to them for years.
after all the backstabbing they did , i kicked them out of my life,
its been 10 years sinds i last seen most of them,

the frenemies said some bad shit …but i brushed it of,
and only defended my close friends that they also attacked.

 one of the frenemies …who was once one of my closest friends,
that one particular person my old bff also started to do that and 
she stabbed me in the back, bad…it scared me for life,
i didnt trust anyone , for along time,
she kinda suggested in a fight over the phone,
that i am using my past to be a pathetic piece of shit..
i never used a thing of my past, and she knew it.
but it got so bad that we both said things we probably didnt mean,
but the words that where said could not be taken back anymore.
and after all those years…it hurts less.
i wish her all the best in life..

but the other  frenemies i wish the best for them to,
eventho i know they dont wish that for me,
i came across one of them this week and this girl gave me the look from hell,
and i found out..that some of them girls still gossip about me,
i didnt want to believe cause its been 10 years.
we are all grown ass women,
but at the end of the day …if they  want to spend their day hating on me..well i will let them.
im not doing it any longer,

ive been through so much in my life,
they never believed it,
they always asumed i lied about my past,
i dont ..
its just not easy to talk about it.
its getting easier tho.
i can sit here and say it….ive been through physical abuse and sexuale abuse.
as a young kid ,
it was hard to type that wow..
but i worked on this for years to say it.
its not easy
it never is. ,but im okay
i wish my frenemies the best,
eventho they dont do the same for me,

i dont want to be stuck in life,
i wanna move on..and that is what ive been doing.
if they read this…i never lied about is to fucking short to be lying,
and no im not pretending to be a goody im not perfect ,
ive made mistakes and stupid ones.
and ive said sorry and i paid my dues,
but they never took responsibility for the shit they did,
they did not only dissrespected me…but also my clossest friends and my mom and sisters.
and that is unforgiveble to me..
do not ever diss them if u got a problem with me , 
approach me not them,

thank god im blessed with great loyal friends..and family.
and ive met so many new people , that are so great.
im blessed, that these people accept me for the woman i am,
i am not perfect , and lord knows ive made mistakes,
but i am loyal, 
i listen to my friends and family if they need someone to talk to,
if they need a shoulder to cry on im there,
if they make stupid mistakes..i dont let them fall, 
i will always have their back , like they have mine,
the friends and family i got  in my life.,
are the ones i will go through storms and fire for,
i will do anything for them,
and they do the same for me„,

so fuck frenemies
  im done….



heey sorry its been a while.
ive been busy.and stessed out.
everytime i logged on i wanted to write …but for a strange reason i couldn’t write,
my thoughts where so clouded,

so what happend sinds the last time i wrote,
well i made a choice to get my drivers licens at age 28 ,
and im still doing it now„,its awesome it feels freedom…
(i know that sounds weird’)
my mom had to go to the hospital couple of time for tests,
and she got a heart catheterization, 
they did not find a thing eventho she has pain in her chest,
and they cannot help her out with the terrible pain of rheumatoid arthritis,
so that fucking suck,
she pretends that she is okay and she has a big smile on her face everyday,
but if you look into her eyes you can see the pain and sadness of the pain she has to carry everyday with her,
that hurts to see, i pray to god to protect her and to help her,

so other stuff that happend 
my bff my sister got back with her babydaddy,
i told her how i felt about that, and i know he knows that nobody likes it,
cause of all the shit he pulled ,
but im not gonna judge …i told her how i felt.
but i also told her that if this is what she wants then i will accept it and moving on..and i will stand behind her and suport her decision.
i truly hope they can make it , my sister deserves a happy ending

my other lil bff sister she has been busy with looking for a new home for her and her man to live,
she applied for a other job ( cause her job is using her)
she is an nice hard worker and they use that,..and i hate that,
my lil sis deserves the best..and so she applied to get a new job,
and sadly she didnt get it..and i was hoping soooo hard..
cause she truly deserves it…so much

well ive been working and thinking about some stuff about my life,
there is this thing i go to every Wednesday ,
and ive been doing this for 3 years,
and now i need to move on..and work and live my life,
but its not easy to say goodbye to the people i have met at that thing,
ive become close to the people i have met there..
we have become friends..a new family,
and im thankfull for that…but im so sad i have to say goodbye.
i hate saying goodbye,
but i hope we at least can stay in touch,

so like i said im getting my drivers licens..
haha lovin that..i never knew i would love driving a car so bad lmao
i can see myself in a cool ass care eminem´s music blasting out my radio.
but until then i am driving in a car with big ass letter that says
my driving instructor is cool , i think he is my age.
oh god i need to tell ya something funny..( i think its funny)
at the beginning there where boys and girl before me and after me,
cause thats how it works here in holland, 
so lately there are only girls around the age of 18 -19 ,
and they be flirting so hard with  the driving instructor ,
and how can i tell….look we girls have two kinda laughs.
a loud laugh…and a sexy soft flirty laugh..
cause we dont wanna laugh like a pig infront of someone we like,
                                 “true right`
so my hour of the drive lessons are done and another girl steps in my seat,
and they bring me home ( cause thats how it works here)
and in the In the meantime you can clearly hear serious flirting going on ,
dude was lookin like huh!!! but i kinda Guess he likes it,
im fuckin laughing my ass off cause some girls are acting thirsty as hell.
wooo girrrll lmfao.
my sister was like oew girl you like him ,….me~ IEWWW HELL NAH
he not my type…ah she said i know if eminem was your driving instructor that would make you happy..ME~ HELLL YEAHH THAT WOULD BE AWESOME,
but anyways..ayeah i another thing..i became 29…yukk
im 29 but i i feel like i am 18 .

sounds grazy huh!! 
ah well i rather be grazy than boring as fuck,
thats my motto..
 ok im out.ill be back